Why I don't like my neighbors

Hang with me here for a second, this might take a bit...

It all happened one summer evening, monday night to be exact. I remember the day, because we had some friends over to watch american gladiators, best show on tv. Wifey was teaching swim, so the beans and I were at home chillin. As dusk began to settle I noticed the house across the street had a car in the drive way with the lights on. At this time two friends stopped over, so I pointed it out to them and it was decided that we should be good neighbors and go knock on the door. After about ten minutes of rock paper scissors wifey got home. As she approached the door I said, hey babe how bout you run across the street and let them know they left some car lights on. Of course she didn't, she laughed and said she was still in her bathing suit and to be a nice neighbor and get over there. Now, I was not dressed the best, pretty sure t-shirt, shorts and flip flops. As I mosey to the house, across the street and up the drive. I hear the car door lock, hmm that's odd. I approach the door, and I hear some shuffling in the house. The tv turns off and the shades close, I knock on the door, no answer. I knock harder, no answer... One more try, no answer. Then I hear the locks lock again. I have lived across the street for over a year, I walk the dog, mow the lawn, shovel the snow, they know me, they have sceen me. I don't talk to them, and they never wave to me, yet they see me all the time. I began to leave again, and hear it again. When the car door locks for a second time I walk back to the door and knock again, nothing. As I make my way back home I see that shades flutter and shut. Gosh. All I do is say, in a loud voice, you left your car lights on! I walk in my front door to roars of laughter, apparently all the lights in the house were turned off and they were watching me the entire time. I know they were not in there having crazy wild monkey sex, because I saw them watching tv thru the window. At this point I am kinda pissed. Did they think I was going to steal the car or steal something from in the car? I have a burning desire to know the answer to that question. Fast forward two and a half months: the guy talks to wifey all the time, and the lady has had coversations with wifey as well. They still won't talk or wave to me, ever. I take the trash out and wave, mow the lawn and wave, walk the dog and wave-- those effffers never wave back. Maybe they know I am not a suburb kid. I am from the city (well NE), 215 represent! Anyway, one of these days my question will be answered, I will know the truth. Jackasses better have some halloween candy this year too... And mow your darn lawn more than once per mont, and patch up your driveway it looks like shit, oh and your front walk needs some work as well... Get to work!

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