Worst date ever.

Let's think back to the mid 90s. The end of my first year of college. Just a quick bit of background. I went to a PSU sattelite campus for two years before going to main campus. While living at home I worked my tail off, I was working 40 hours per week at a supermarket (food store) and had a full load of classes. I knew if I put the work in for two years and got my GPA up and my bank account up that the next two years would be time that I would never forget. I worked all different shifts from overnight crew, to early am produce, to mid shift anything I could get my hands on. If someone called out sick they called me, I did it all and never turned down extra work, ever. The great thing was I was in a union, so each time I learned something more I got paid more. Ok, to get to the point. Her name was heather, and she was smoooookin hot. I am talking top 3 in the school, and she was really nice really really nice, and I asked her out. She agreed, and that is where it went down hill fast. That Friday night I worked till about 10, got home went to bed around 11:30am and was up at 4am to cover early morning produce. I worked till about two and after grabbing some roses from the flower section I headed home. No cell phones back then so when I got home I called Heather to make sure she set something up, sure stop at a friends house and then a late movie. We were seeing Bram Strokers Dracula at 10pm. What? 10pm I need a effing nap STAT. Of course with my mom, dad and brother at home no nappy poo was gonna happen for good old pj. This is before redbull, so I was up the creek. Gonna be a long night, yet gonna be worth it.

I picked her up in the fly Subaru gl 4 door sedan (that's how I rolled), brought the roses with me to the door and everything was super smooth. I knew this was going well. Off to her friends house and meeting a few peeps. Well, this one guy was such an A-hole and just kept making comments and stuff under his breath. We both noticed this and it was pretty uncomfortable. Most likely an ex or just someone who had a crush. . I think we were there for maybe ten minutes or so before I said it was time to go. She was down to leave and we grabbed a bite before the movie. All was going well, arm touching laughing, smiles, looking into each others eyes. Then I felt a tickle in my throat. We got to the movie, I grabbed a large cherry coke. Ahemmmm, grrr grrr... Working it out. Sip of soda, AHEMMMM, tickle tickle... Ahemm. Large gulp of soda. Ahemmm, nothing. We find our seats in a packed theatre. Ahemm... Tickle tickle tickle... I knew this was not going good, in fact I knew that I was in a crash and burn situation here. AHEM AHEMMMM AHEMM!!! I think I got it, all the while she is glancing over towards me with a quizical look on her face, what is going on. Now I start to chit chat and smile, tickle tickle ticke - WTF. My little ahemmms went on for about 45 minutes, the guy in front of me kept looking back at me like I had any control of the situation. Luckily, my head started to bob a bit, oh shit I am so tired. Ahem, head bob, ahem, eyes closing, ahem, no no no, ahem... WE ARE GOING DOWN. The next thing I remember was good old heather tapping me on the shoulder, shit I actually feel asleep on a date. What a loser. We drove home, me ahemming and her bored. Smooth. I walked her to the door and said good night. No attempt at a hug, kiss, or even a high five - I was way too embarrased to make a move, and probably had some nasty morning breath. Brutal. Hope your worst is better than my worst.
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